1408: Director’s Cut

**1/2 – Goofy-looking dope John Cusack portrays a goofy-looking, alcoholic, bad-horror-story-writing dope in this strange but not completely unwatchable mystery/horror/thriller. Cusack forces himself to stay in a haunted room (the titular #1408) at a haunted hotel run by Samuel L. Jackson, whose performance in this is actually slightly more wooden than he was as Mace Windu, believe it or not. Bonus points go to this version of the movie for using the ending in which Cusack goes mental and burns himself to a crisp.

Waiting for Guffman

**** - The first in a series of three Christopher Guest created satirical mockumentaries (not including “Spinal Tap”, of course), “Waiting for Guffman” skewers small town middle Americans and their tendency to be simultaneously untalented and oblivious to their lack of talent. It’s not hard to tell upon watching this that it had a rather significant influence on Ricky Gervais and Steve Merchant, as their “The Office” uses a very similar format and the David Brent character has a rather ‘Guest-ian’ feel to it (in retrospect). The movie is quite funny throughout, with especially good performances by Fred Willard as the ultra-pompous ‘experienced actor’ and Guest himself as the clearly homosexual theatre director. Some characters were a bit hit and miss (such as Catherine O’Hara’s) and occasionally crossed the thin line between funny to annoying, but overall it was nicely acted and written.

Invictus

*** - I must admit that I don’t understand the game of rugby at all. If I were to put some effort into it, I’m sure I could figure it out (it doesn’t seem all that complicated), but as it stands I know virtually nothing about how the game works. This movie about South Africa’s run to the 1995 Rugby World Cup Championship, and new president Nelson Mandela’s attempt to unite his people behind the mostly-Afrikaner team, features a whole lot of rugby. In fact, the last 45 minutes is nothing but rugby action interspersed with some strangely assembled montage footage of various groups of people watching rugby. Until that point, though, the movie is not too bad. Morgan Freemandle is a pretty convincing Mandela, and I’ve always had a fascination with South Africa, so that probably skews my rating upwards a little bit. If you don’t find either rugby or South Africa interesting, then this is not the film for you.

Mutant Chronicles

** - This video game-based movie starring Thomas Jane is in the genre of what the kids these days call ‘steampunk’, meaning a mixture of futuristic techno stuff and 1800’s railroad-type stuff. Frankly, I find the whole idea behind that sort of thing to be logically specious, at best. In any event, besides the flaws endowed upon this movie by its ‘steampunk’ association, it was pretty lame. Lots of big, goofy machines shooting stuff with dialogue consisting mostly of things like “Run!” and “Let’s Go!”

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

*** - It is claimed that this David Fincher film was based on a short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald, when in reality I think we all know that it is based on the incoherent ramblings of Karl Pilkington. Brad Pitt stars as a guy who is born as an old man and lives his life backwards until he dies at the age of zero. At center stage is his romance with an ultra-slutty ballet dancer (Cate Blanchett), which is both creepy and difficult to fathom, but the film has its entertaining bits and is, in some ways, fairly inspirational. Be that as it may, it was close to 3 hours long and apparently cost $160 million to make, which sounds awfully high for a movie that doesn’t have huge explosions, giant robots or blue cat-monkey things in it. There is a strange Hurricane Katrina-related subplot, the purpose of which I have yet to figure out.

Sherlock Holmes

***1/2 - Guy Ritchie re-imagines Sherlock Holmes as a balls-out action hero in this adaptation of the classic literary character. While the excellent mystery and detective work aspects of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Holmes remain intact in this ultra-modernized version, the heavy action orientation was a little off-putting to me. That being said, the film was visually stunning and directed beautifully by Ritchie, who is always good for loads of flashy, eye-catching sequences. Unlike most of today’s filmgoers, I am of the opinion that tons of action are in actuality not necessarily needed to enhance a story, so I didn’t think this was as good as it could have been. Still, the plot was intriguing (albeit somewhat formulaic) and I breathed a great sigh of relief when it was revealed at the end that the occult crap was all a ruse. There are enough films out there featuring black magic and whatnot without Sherlock Holmes having to have it tossed into his world.

Below

*** - Written by Darren Aronofsky and directed by David “Pitch Black” Twohy, “Below” is the story of a haunted World War II submarine and the misadventures that her crew have while trying to return home from battle. It starts out a bit slowly, but the action and thriller elements eventually steamroll into a pretty enjoyable flick, although the conclusion leaves something to be desired. It wasn’t without its boring stretches, but it remained entertaining enough to be watchable. It was well shot by Twohy, but the look, feel and dialogue don’t really seem to fit all that well into the World War II era, so it was a bit anachronistic in that sense. A bonus in this film is that two main characters are guys who starred in “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels” (and I don’t think those guys get enough work), and Les from “The Search for One-eye Jimmy” was also heavily featured.

Night Train

**1/2 – Danny “did you just call me Coltrane” Glover and Steve “I am a lot less funny than I think I am” Zahn star as the conductor and a passenger (respectively) on a train full of weirdoes in this unspectacular but somewhat watchable film. The death of a passenger carrying some sort of mysterious box sets in motion a rather odd and insidious series of events that results in about 30 murders and several smashed up boxcars on a train that is apparently on a non-stop loop somewhere really cold and snowy. While it starts out pretty neat, it loses most of its momentum about halfway through, and then attempts a foray into the world of supernatural thrillers which doesn’t really work all that well. It also had about three endings, which - if my calculations are correct - is approximately two too many.

The Messenger

*** - His highness of the hookah Woody Harrelson and some other guy who I think I’ve seen in something before but can’t be sure are the leads in this average film about army guys who go around informing next of kin that a relative has died in the line of duty (or, more likely, was accidentally shot in the face by his bunkmate when he was mistaken for an actual dragon while playing a drunken game of ‘Dungeons & Dragons’). I’m not really all that fond of this type of movie that goes overboard with girly emotional crap and unending streams of scenes featuring family members bawling over lost loved ones, but this movie had some decent moments and enough solid performances to keep me fairly interested. I never get tired of seeing ole Woody stumble around drunkenly.

Edge of Darkness

*** - While it looked at first like it was going to be another in a long line of by-the-numbers-curmudgeonly-yet-loving-tough-guy-who-has-family-member-brutally-murdered-and-goes-on-kill-crazy-rampage type of flick, “Edge of Darkness” actually turned out to be more of a conspiracy theory thriller movie. The break from the norm in this crowded genre was refreshing, and although the outcome was never really in doubt at any point, it was actually relatively enjoyable to watch. The only real stumbling blocks were Mel Gibson’s awkward attempt to take on a New England accent and the extremely cheesy ending. Otherwise, there was enough mystery and action to make it worth watching, although I can’t imagine it having any sort of replay value.

A Sound of Thunder

*1/2 – This film adaptation of a Ray Bradbury short story was critically panned and a commercial disaster, and upon viewing it, it is not too hard to see why. While the basic idea behind this time travel story is okay (albeit fairly unoriginal, even for the time when it was written), the shoddy, ill-conceived details are what cause it to fall into the realm of scientifically dubious garbage. For example, the apex predator in the alternate reality that is created (via a time travel incident) was some sort of giant, carnivorous, armored baboon-lizard that sleeps hanging upside down from trees like a bat. Not only is there that type of silliness, but the laughable special effects make “Anaconda” look like “Avatar” in comparison. If you do find yourself in a position in which you wind up watching this movie (and I recommend you avoid such a situation at all costs), one thing you might enjoy is Ben Kingsley’s bizarre performance and goofy-looking wig.

Black Books: Series 1

***1/2 – While this 6-episode first series of a 2000 British sitcom starts out pretty slowly – in fact, the first episode is nearly unwatchably bereft of humor – the comedy really ramped up as the season progressed, turning it into a quality show overall. If the whole series was as funny as the final two or three episodes this set would have probably gotten a 4 ½-star rating. However, the first couple of episodes really hurt the overall score. It’s set in a bookshop and features three main characters with only a few smaller roles, so it isn’t exactly a broad, lively type of comedy. The dry humor works really well for the most part, but some unfunny sight gags and physical comedy keep it from being what I would consider a classic. I do have a significant amount of hope for the 2nd and 3rd series, though.

Let the Right One In

** - I think one of the main factors in my less-than-fond opinion of the horror genre is that my morose and stoic nature doesn’t allow me to frighten easily. Even if that was not the case, and the genre did give me that adrenaline rush that many get from it, I don’t think this Swedish film would have had any impact on me anyway. Leave it to the Swedes to create a horror/thriller that was not horrifying in the least and had no thrills whatsoever. It was, however, pretty nicely shot, well directed and had a couple of all-too-brief unsettling moments. On the other hand, it moved as slow as molasses and starred mainly kids; and in my opinion, you’ll never get the nuanced performances from a kid that you will from an adult.