The Machinist

***1/2 – This 2004 film is a solidly above average albeit not extraordinary entry in the genre of movies in which a guy has a traumatic experience and recedes into some sort of bizarre hallucinatory fantasy world as a way of compensating for it. It’s pretty nicely shot, but is for the most part really dark and dismal, which isn’t necessarily bad, but here just adds to the depressing nature of the rest of the aspects of the film, such as the emaciated lead actor, very slow and subdued score and rather grisly subject matter. The story is pretty neat and has a lot to offer the astute viewer, but doesn’t really break any new ground except in the fact that star Christian Bale turned himself into a gaunt skeleton in order to portray a hundred pound insomniac. Apparently he lost like 70 pounds or something in a couple of months in order to play this role and then gained it all back (and more) in order to play Batman. That guy needs to watch out, as that kind of stress is very bad for one’s heart. It does help to explain why he freaked out on the set of “Terminator” though. That kind of diet would make anyone cranky, give him a break.

LOST: The Complete 6th and Final Season

**** - The best dramatic TV shows that are aware of the fact that they are heading into their final hurrah walk their audience up to a precipice and then fling them over edge to a measured and well thought out ending with some bombast. As much as I have enjoyed watching “LOST” over the past five years, I must admit that that formula is not followed here. Instead, the precipice is reached and then the audience is nudged to the side and led step-by-step down the side of some other less dangerous cliff to a soft landing. I don’t necessarily dislike the fact that conformity was eschewed here, but I was also hoping that all of the mysteries that were introduced at various points in the series would be wrapped up, or at least solidly hinted at enough for the viewer to form a conclusion. That didn’t really happen with “LOST”. Without getting into any detail, there were a number of issues that I was hoping would be resolved that weren’t (more than one of which was pretty vital to the overall premise). While that is certainly a disappointment, I must say that the mysteries that were resolved were pretty well done and whether or not everyone had all their answers fed to them, it must be admitted that the journey of the final season was a pretty fun one in which to partake.

The Wrestler

**** - While it doesn’t have the frenetic pacing and ingenuity of his first two films (“Pi” and “Requiem for a Dream”) or the story depth and artistic quality of his 3rd film (“The Fountain”), Darren Aronofsky’s 2008 “The Wrestler” is probably his most poignant and finely crafted to date. The highlight of this is definitely the superb portrayal of fictional pro wrestler Robin Ramzinski (aka Randy ‘the Ram’ Robinson) by Mickey Rourke. It was an extremely realistic and believable performance and Rourke imbued the character with great warmth, sadness and even humor. If I have to criticize this film, it would have to be about two things. First, it’s about wrestling, and therefore features a lot of wrestling in it. I hate wrestling. So, much like the 2009 film “Crazy Heart” – which dealt with another of my most hated things, country music – I have to knock off some points for having so much of something I despise featured. Secondly, I thought the story kind of petered out in the later stages, and ended abruptly with a number of loose ends. However, those faults aside, I was remarkably entertained by a movie that had loads of pro wrestling in it, which is actually quite a feat on its own.

The Invasion

** – If I was a 6 year-old kid and my mother was Nicole Kidman and she walked around the house in a skintight nipple-exposing t-shirt and see-through pants revealing a skimpy thong, I think I would need some major psychiatric counseling. If I was the 6 year-old kid in “The Invasion” I’d be in luck, because my scantily clad superhot mother would also be a psychiatric counselor! That really has nothing to do with the plot of 2007’s “The Invasion”, but I thought I would point it out as it seemed rather odd to me. In any event, this is a pretty cheesy film. It has all the conventions of the action horror thriller genre, but never truly succeeds in creating a tense atmosphere or an interesting story. It also has a whole lot of chase scenes - mostly on foot but also in cars and even helicopters – which get pretty tedious. The worst thing about the movie is probably the startling number of convenient coincidences – such as Kidman’s lab technician friend inexplicably showing up to rescue her in a helicopter with a bunch of military guys. How’d he hook up with the army, and where’d he get the helicopter? Oh well, I guess I don’t really care.

Cop Out

** - In one of his “An Evening with…” DVDs, Kevin Smith alludes to a conversation he had while on the set of “Live Free or Die Hard” with Bruce Willis in which the action superstar suggested that they should do a project together at some point since they are both from Jersey. I’m going to guess that “Cop Out” is the fruit of that conversation. I’m also going to guess that it isn’t a project that either of them that had a great deal of interest in doing apart from the other’s involvement in it, and are probably not very proud of the results, because it’s not very good. Kevin Smith is a dialogue man and not a very good director. He did not write the movie, but he did direct it. There is a major disconnect there. But the problems this movie had weren’t Smith or Willis related, really. It was mainly script related and steaming pile of unfunny poop Tracy Morgan related. Watching this you are likely to get a handful of belly laughs and a dozen or so mild chuckles, but that doesn’t make up for the rest of the film that is rather dull and treads ground that has been trodden many times before.

Crash

** – This movie won the Academy Award for best picture in 2005. How it did so is quite beyond my understanding. When Paul Haggis envisions Los Angeles, he apparently sees a filthy, decaying and corrupt metropolis filled with stupid, angry and irrational people that constant fight with each other largely over matters of race. I don’t necessarily disagree with that assessment, but it is the complete out-of-leftfield rage and unjustified actions and decisions on the parts of the characters that made this movie less than enjoyable to watch. On the bright side, it was filmed pretty nicely and had a lot of interesting shots, while the performances were also pretty good for the most part. However, I was completely unable to understand why the characters did what they did throughout the film, to the point of being frustrated and annoyed. Everyone in this film was just a huge jerk with no likeable characteristics whatsoever. And then Ludacris frees a bunch of poor, filthy Asians from the back of a van onto the streets of LA and that is supposed to be a heartwarming and uplifting end? Give me a break. This is a highly overrated film with very few redeeming qualities and a story that goes nowhere.

Brooklyn's Finest

*** - To get this out of the way early… yes, this movie was fairly entertaining. However, I express my aging curmudgeonly guy right in saying that this is one in what seems to be a never-ending string of movies that deals with corrupt cops and hip-hop ‘gangstas’ in urban America, the culture surrounding which irritates me to no end. The main message this movie brought home to me is that I am so sick of ebonics that I am beginning to think that all urban slums where this faux dialect is prominent should be torched immediately, whether this makes the jobs of scumbag cracker pigs easier or not. I’m guessing that this is not what the filmmakers intended for me to take from this movie. And maybe it is unfair for me to judge this movie based on that. In fact, I have decided that, yes, it is unfair, so I have changed my original two-star rating to three stars (as reflected above). Still, this ‘black hip-hop morons are cool’ shit has to go. On a side note, I find it hilariously ironic that Wesley Snipes plays a recently released prisoner in this film while in real life he is getting ready to go into prison. But I kid Willie Mays Hays Blade. Yeah, he’s alright.

The Losers

**1/2 – This second comic book-based movie that I’ve watched in a row doesn’t have the flash or visual impressiveness of “Scott Pilgrim…” but is still relatively entertaining and worth sitting through once. It’s pretty much a by-the-numbers team-of-operatives-gets-betrayed-and-goes-on-a-hunt-for-revenge type of movie that has plenty of gun battles and explosions, if that’s the kind of thing you like. It is a little light on story, but it doesn’t take itself too seriously, which is often the downfall of action flicks. The comic relief is provided mostly the guy who played the Human Torch in the ‘Fantastic Four’ movies, and he has his moments despite his pretty boy looks and lack of charisma. The direction (provided by Sylvain ‘who the hell am I?’ White) and camera work was odd, with lots of choppiness and some sort of goofy strobe effect that was more jarring than compelling. The main fault of this movie (besides its complete lack of originality) was that it kind of jumped into the action from the get go without any exposition. The story is not that complex, but I was somewhat confused by name dropping in the first half, which left me a bit frustrated overall. It’s a decent way to spend 90 minutes, though.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

*** - If I were to rate this movie based only on story, script and dialogue it would probably be very close to getting one star. However, the saving graces of this graphic novel-based action comedy helmed by Edgar Wright (of “Shaun of the Dead” fame) are the almost unbelievably cool fight scenes. The basic plot of this movie is that George Michael from “Arrested Development” (who, for some unexplained reason, lives with - and sleeps in the same bed as - a promiscuous gay guy and his various sexual partners) falls for some girl who dyes her hair a plethora of neon colors, and then has to fight her ‘Seven Evil Exes’ in order to continue going out with her. Yes, it is as dumb as it sounds. I can’t imagine how the graphic novel that this is based on could be at all entertaining, as the only things of value in this film adaptation are the ultra-stylized video game-like battles that George Michael has with the Exes, and I doubt those are all that interesting in comic book form. Not only are the fights very video game inspired, but the whole movie plays pretty much like a video game, and is peppered with nearly constant video game references in the dialogue, visuals and sound. This is definitely worth seeing for the fights, but you are likely to be bored to tears by the rest of the film. Memo to George Michael: the awkward kid shtick is wearing thin.

Legion

** - This movies shows that Gabriel is clearly the stupidest of all the angels. Given the opportunity to quickly and efficiently carry out his ordained task, he manages to whiz it down his leg repeatedly and inexcusably. However, he is clearly a talented craftsman, as the astounding array of weaponry that he wields most certainly took a great deal of time, effort and skill to design and build. He also seems to have coated his wings in some sort of titanium alloy that makes him impervious to all weapons (except, apparently, one sword carried by Paul Bettany). As impressive as that is, this movie is pretty bad. All the characters make really dumb decisions and spout out pretentious cornball sophistry that is probably meant to be inspiring and grandiose, but is really just darn difficult to listen to over and over. There are a couple of decent action sequences, but for an ‘action-horror’ movie it had no real horror and an awful lot of slow-moving dialogue scenes loaded with pregnant pauses. In the end, this movie is little more than a boring, pompous and overly serious cross between “Dogma” and “Terminator” without the humor or neat androids of those films.

Cemetery Junction

***1/2 – This big screen directorial debut from comic geniuses Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant was somewhat disappointing in that they didn’t also star in it, but it was still pretty entertaining, albeit somewhat formulaic. Ricky had a relatively small part – which was extremely funny – and Steve had a very brief cameo which was pretty good, but other than that the movie had to be carried by the weight of a mostly newbie cast (plus Ralph Fiennes and Emily Watson) and Ricky and Steve’s writing skills. Luckily, everyone pulls it off rather well, despite the fact that, in essence, this film is little more than a run-of-the-mill coming-of-age story set in Reading instead of somewhere in the States like they usually are. It is surprisingly well directed, though, by the pair whose only previous directing experience has been their two not exactly artful TV series. Additional marks go to this one for a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it cameo from Karl Pilkington and also fairly major roles for two of “Extras” best guest stars (the dullard from season 1 and the guy at the pub who is obsessed with “When the Wind Blows” from season 2).

Fanboys

** - This mildly amusing send-up of sci-fi (specifically “Star Wars”) nerdism is hard to bash too badly since its subject is one for which I have a great deal of fondness. However, this isn’t really all that funny. Most of the parts that were actually humorous were the fairly frequent “Star Wars” quotes and references that were sprinkled in throughout. Besides that, the attempts at laughs were mostly broad sight gags, lowbrow dick and fart jokes, and/or unapologetic pandering to the audience. The numerous cameos by everyone from Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes to Carrie Fisher and Billie Dee Williams to Bill Shatner and at least three roles for the rarely funny Seth Rogen fell pretty flat. This movie portrays “Star Wars” and “Star Trek” fans as having a bitter and sometimes violent hatred of each other that burns brighter than a thousand suns. Does this form of geekworld infighting really exist? I sure hope not. I, for one, love both Wars and Trek (although I can’t say I’m too fond of the original Trek series) and find it somewhat sad that this type of caustic dislike may exist, or even be prevalent. I don’t think wise old Yoda or equally wise somewhat younger Guinan would approve of such behavior. I went all that way to end with a Whoopi Goldberg reference? It’s a shame.

Land of the Lost

*1/2 - While I seem to have made a number of wise decisions lately (such as braving the outside world by going to see “Inception” in the theatre, and purchasing the outstanding new Arcade Fire album), I unfortunately cannot include the adding of this 2009 Will Ferrell ‘comedy’ to my Netflix queue as one of my better ones. This modern tongue-in-cheek update of the kitschy 70s TV show that is a favorite amongst children and potheads is largely bereft of humor and has very little to offer the discerning viewer. As funny as Will Ferrell was when he was doing George Bush impressions or loudly playing a cowbell on SNL, it has not seemed to translate into full-length features, as I have yet to see one starring him that I’ve enjoyed more than fleetingly. Other than one scene near the beginning where Ferrell’s character is zinged by Matt Lauer in a faux “Today Show” interview, the laughs are few and far between. The plot (such as it is) makes no sense and just about every attempt at humor is a lame joke or even lamer sight gag. I guess this movie proves that you can only stomach so many dinosaur urine jokes before they start to get a little stale.