Ultraviolet

** - I decided to write a trailer voiceover for this movie. Imagine this being read in the slow, sonorous tones of the guy who kind of sounds like Optimus Prime who does all of the action movie trailer voiceovers. “In a world where humans and vampires are at war, and security guards wear goofy-looking gasmasks and easily shattered glass vests for some reason, the only hope for peace is a skinny lady with weird hair who rides a motorcycle up the side of a skyscraper in order to save some kid.” And then you’d see a bunch of fast-paced action and fights and explosions. Pretty good, huh? It pretty much sums up the plot, anyway, which should give you a good indication that this movie was kind of dumb. In fact, it was really dumb. Milla Jovovich unconvincingly slaughters hundreds of heavily armed and armored guards while making her way from one huge metal building to another in some sort of futuristic metropolis. This movie starts out with a narration that says “I was born into a world you wouldn’t understand.” If you ask me, that’s a pretty lame way to give yourself an excuse for making a movie that an audience couldn’t understand. I did kind of like the CG city and landscape design, though. I could look at that kind of stuff all day.