Cop Out

** - In one of his “An Evening with…” DVDs, Kevin Smith alludes to a conversation he had while on the set of “Live Free or Die Hard” with Bruce Willis in which the action superstar suggested that they should do a project together at some point since they are both from Jersey. I’m going to guess that “Cop Out” is the fruit of that conversation. I’m also going to guess that it isn’t a project that either of them that had a great deal of interest in doing apart from the other’s involvement in it, and are probably not very proud of the results, because it’s not very good. Kevin Smith is a dialogue man and not a very good director. He did not write the movie, but he did direct it. There is a major disconnect there. But the problems this movie had weren’t Smith or Willis related, really. It was mainly script related and steaming pile of unfunny poop Tracy Morgan related. Watching this you are likely to get a handful of belly laughs and a dozen or so mild chuckles, but that doesn’t make up for the rest of the film that is rather dull and treads ground that has been trodden many times before.

Crash

** – This movie won the Academy Award for best picture in 2005. How it did so is quite beyond my understanding. When Paul Haggis envisions Los Angeles, he apparently sees a filthy, decaying and corrupt metropolis filled with stupid, angry and irrational people that constant fight with each other largely over matters of race. I don’t necessarily disagree with that assessment, but it is the complete out-of-leftfield rage and unjustified actions and decisions on the parts of the characters that made this movie less than enjoyable to watch. On the bright side, it was filmed pretty nicely and had a lot of interesting shots, while the performances were also pretty good for the most part. However, I was completely unable to understand why the characters did what they did throughout the film, to the point of being frustrated and annoyed. Everyone in this film was just a huge jerk with no likeable characteristics whatsoever. And then Ludacris frees a bunch of poor, filthy Asians from the back of a van onto the streets of LA and that is supposed to be a heartwarming and uplifting end? Give me a break. This is a highly overrated film with very few redeeming qualities and a story that goes nowhere.

Brooklyn's Finest

*** - To get this out of the way early… yes, this movie was fairly entertaining. However, I express my aging curmudgeonly guy right in saying that this is one in what seems to be a never-ending string of movies that deals with corrupt cops and hip-hop ‘gangstas’ in urban America, the culture surrounding which irritates me to no end. The main message this movie brought home to me is that I am so sick of ebonics that I am beginning to think that all urban slums where this faux dialect is prominent should be torched immediately, whether this makes the jobs of scumbag cracker pigs easier or not. I’m guessing that this is not what the filmmakers intended for me to take from this movie. And maybe it is unfair for me to judge this movie based on that. In fact, I have decided that, yes, it is unfair, so I have changed my original two-star rating to three stars (as reflected above). Still, this ‘black hip-hop morons are cool’ shit has to go. On a side note, I find it hilariously ironic that Wesley Snipes plays a recently released prisoner in this film while in real life he is getting ready to go into prison. But I kid Willie Mays Hays Blade. Yeah, he’s alright.

The Losers

**1/2 – This second comic book-based movie that I’ve watched in a row doesn’t have the flash or visual impressiveness of “Scott Pilgrim…” but is still relatively entertaining and worth sitting through once. It’s pretty much a by-the-numbers team-of-operatives-gets-betrayed-and-goes-on-a-hunt-for-revenge type of movie that has plenty of gun battles and explosions, if that’s the kind of thing you like. It is a little light on story, but it doesn’t take itself too seriously, which is often the downfall of action flicks. The comic relief is provided mostly the guy who played the Human Torch in the ‘Fantastic Four’ movies, and he has his moments despite his pretty boy looks and lack of charisma. The direction (provided by Sylvain ‘who the hell am I?’ White) and camera work was odd, with lots of choppiness and some sort of goofy strobe effect that was more jarring than compelling. The main fault of this movie (besides its complete lack of originality) was that it kind of jumped into the action from the get go without any exposition. The story is not that complex, but I was somewhat confused by name dropping in the first half, which left me a bit frustrated overall. It’s a decent way to spend 90 minutes, though.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

*** - If I were to rate this movie based only on story, script and dialogue it would probably be very close to getting one star. However, the saving graces of this graphic novel-based action comedy helmed by Edgar Wright (of “Shaun of the Dead” fame) are the almost unbelievably cool fight scenes. The basic plot of this movie is that George Michael from “Arrested Development” (who, for some unexplained reason, lives with - and sleeps in the same bed as - a promiscuous gay guy and his various sexual partners) falls for some girl who dyes her hair a plethora of neon colors, and then has to fight her ‘Seven Evil Exes’ in order to continue going out with her. Yes, it is as dumb as it sounds. I can’t imagine how the graphic novel that this is based on could be at all entertaining, as the only things of value in this film adaptation are the ultra-stylized video game-like battles that George Michael has with the Exes, and I doubt those are all that interesting in comic book form. Not only are the fights very video game inspired, but the whole movie plays pretty much like a video game, and is peppered with nearly constant video game references in the dialogue, visuals and sound. This is definitely worth seeing for the fights, but you are likely to be bored to tears by the rest of the film. Memo to George Michael: the awkward kid shtick is wearing thin.

Legion

** - This movies shows that Gabriel is clearly the stupidest of all the angels. Given the opportunity to quickly and efficiently carry out his ordained task, he manages to whiz it down his leg repeatedly and inexcusably. However, he is clearly a talented craftsman, as the astounding array of weaponry that he wields most certainly took a great deal of time, effort and skill to design and build. He also seems to have coated his wings in some sort of titanium alloy that makes him impervious to all weapons (except, apparently, one sword carried by Paul Bettany). As impressive as that is, this movie is pretty bad. All the characters make really dumb decisions and spout out pretentious cornball sophistry that is probably meant to be inspiring and grandiose, but is really just darn difficult to listen to over and over. There are a couple of decent action sequences, but for an ‘action-horror’ movie it had no real horror and an awful lot of slow-moving dialogue scenes loaded with pregnant pauses. In the end, this movie is little more than a boring, pompous and overly serious cross between “Dogma” and “Terminator” without the humor or neat androids of those films.

Cemetery Junction

***1/2 – This big screen directorial debut from comic geniuses Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant was somewhat disappointing in that they didn’t also star in it, but it was still pretty entertaining, albeit somewhat formulaic. Ricky had a relatively small part – which was extremely funny – and Steve had a very brief cameo which was pretty good, but other than that the movie had to be carried by the weight of a mostly newbie cast (plus Ralph Fiennes and Emily Watson) and Ricky and Steve’s writing skills. Luckily, everyone pulls it off rather well, despite the fact that, in essence, this film is little more than a run-of-the-mill coming-of-age story set in Reading instead of somewhere in the States like they usually are. It is surprisingly well directed, though, by the pair whose only previous directing experience has been their two not exactly artful TV series. Additional marks go to this one for a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it cameo from Karl Pilkington and also fairly major roles for two of “Extras” best guest stars (the dullard from season 1 and the guy at the pub who is obsessed with “When the Wind Blows” from season 2).

Fanboys

** - This mildly amusing send-up of sci-fi (specifically “Star Wars”) nerdism is hard to bash too badly since its subject is one for which I have a great deal of fondness. However, this isn’t really all that funny. Most of the parts that were actually humorous were the fairly frequent “Star Wars” quotes and references that were sprinkled in throughout. Besides that, the attempts at laughs were mostly broad sight gags, lowbrow dick and fart jokes, and/or unapologetic pandering to the audience. The numerous cameos by everyone from Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes to Carrie Fisher and Billie Dee Williams to Bill Shatner and at least three roles for the rarely funny Seth Rogen fell pretty flat. This movie portrays “Star Wars” and “Star Trek” fans as having a bitter and sometimes violent hatred of each other that burns brighter than a thousand suns. Does this form of geekworld infighting really exist? I sure hope not. I, for one, love both Wars and Trek (although I can’t say I’m too fond of the original Trek series) and find it somewhat sad that this type of caustic dislike may exist, or even be prevalent. I don’t think wise old Yoda or equally wise somewhat younger Guinan would approve of such behavior. I went all that way to end with a Whoopi Goldberg reference? It’s a shame.

Land of the Lost

*1/2 - While I seem to have made a number of wise decisions lately (such as braving the outside world by going to see “Inception” in the theatre, and purchasing the outstanding new Arcade Fire album), I unfortunately cannot include the adding of this 2009 Will Ferrell ‘comedy’ to my Netflix queue as one of my better ones. This modern tongue-in-cheek update of the kitschy 70s TV show that is a favorite amongst children and potheads is largely bereft of humor and has very little to offer the discerning viewer. As funny as Will Ferrell was when he was doing George Bush impressions or loudly playing a cowbell on SNL, it has not seemed to translate into full-length features, as I have yet to see one starring him that I’ve enjoyed more than fleetingly. Other than one scene near the beginning where Ferrell’s character is zinged by Matt Lauer in a faux “Today Show” interview, the laughs are few and far between. The plot (such as it is) makes no sense and just about every attempt at humor is a lame joke or even lamer sight gag. I guess this movie proves that you can only stomach so many dinosaur urine jokes before they start to get a little stale.

Inception

***** - One of the most conceptually ambitious films I’ve seen, Christopher Nolan’s “Inception” is as mentally engrossing as it is visually compelling. It is a rare treat to see a movie that is complex enough to challenge a viewer while simultaneously logical enough to remain coherent and free of storytelling gimmickry. While this had some of the old “Memento”-style brain gymnastics that made that movie intriguing (although, I’ve always felt it is somewhat overrated), “Inception” adds something that the former film never even seemed to attempt: visceral, joyride action. In that sense, I imagine just about any viewer with even a moderate amount of intelligence will be able to grasp the basic idea and follow it along the fast-paced adventure that fleshes it out. The dream sequences that the majority of the film takes place in allow for amazing scenery (such as the fantastic arctic fortress and endless urban wasteland) and superb visual trickery. Another thing working in the movie’s favor is the nearly perfect score by Hans Zimmer, which strikes all the right notes and gives this already intense film an even greater sense of urgency. All-in-all, “Inception” is easily the best film I have seen this year so far, and probably one of the best of the last decade or more.

The Island

** - This 2005 Michael Bay directed sci-fi thriller is basically a rip-off of a movie that was itself a rip-off of a number of earlier stories, with an enormous budgetary increase and Steve Buscemi tossed in as comic relief. The film that “The Island” blatantly rips off is one from the late seventies called “Parts: The Clonus Horror” and that was so bad that it ended up being riffed on in a season 9 episode of MST3K. So from the very outset “The Island” is at a disadvantage due to its lackluster heritage, even though that fact that it is a rip-off only detracts from its enjoyment in principle. That being said, the premise (i.e. people paying for clones to be raised for body part replacement) isn’t all that bad. Or, at least, it wasn’t bad 30 years ago when it was originated. It seems a little trite now, but I would definitely say that this is a substantial improvement over “Parts” due to the lush scenery, outstanding CG backgrounds and design, and better acting from the two leads (played by Obi-Wan Kenobi and the Black Widow). However, the last hour and a half of this two hour and fifteen minute movie is just a series of chase sequences involving cars, boats, helicopters, jet-bikes, mag-lev trains and footraces that are dull and mostly logic-free. This is a film that one shouldn’t think about too much, and if one follows that guideline, it might be worth sitting through.

Greenberg

**1/2 – I’m generally all for quirky characters in movies, but only if the quirkiness in the characters remains humorous and appealing enough to sustain them throughout the feature. In this latest offering from Noah Baumbach, the two lead characters are so unappealing that the brief bits of humor that they display are far overshadowed by their more irritating characteristics. Case in point: the lead female seems to be mildly retarded and have a Minnesota accent, but also frighteningly detached from reality and appallingly promiscuous. The male lead – played by Ben Stiller – is a clearly unstable sociopath who, while I can sympathize with some of his actions, is extremely cruel, belligerent and self-absorbed. In fact, all the characters in the movie seem very self-absorbed. I find people – whether movie characters or otherwise – who take themselves too seriously and think that everything they do is the most important thing in the world to be very annoying. Besides the character issues, the dialogue was a bit hit-and-miss, but it was well shot and looked fairly nice. The two graphic sex scenes in the film seemed oddly out of place and detracted from the overall package as well. This isn’t a bad movie at its core, but there was enough bad about it to cause me to have no interest in seeing it again.

Little Miss Sunshine

**** - If there is anything in this nation that more epitomizes its obsession with superficiality and vapidity than little girl beauty pageants I have yet to become aware of it. This low-key comedy pushes all the right buttons in its portrayal of the ludicrousness and horrifying glitz that is the beauty pageant, and throws in a nice skewering of self-help motivational speakers for good measure. The plot – a family’s journey to California for their daughter’s entry into the Little Miss Sunshine contest - sells the film short of what it is, as it is much more than it seems from its description. The variety of quirky, offbeat and funny characters are very well defined and played to a tee by all of the actors, with Alan Arkin as the foul-mouthed (“always with the fucking chicken!”) grandfather and Steve Carell as the depressed homosexual brother/uncle being especially good. The score by underrated band DeVotchka was outstanding and added a great deal to an already very enjoyable film, while also giving it a sort of Wes Anderson-esque feel. The beauty pageant at the end was funny and all in its satire and mockery, but it was still a beauty pageant at its core and, therefore, extremely difficult to watch. The second half lost a little steam, too, with the absence of the Alan Arkin character, but it’s still a great movie overall.

Clash Of The Titans

**1/2 – I guess I can’t really call this a bad movie, although for being a fantasy/action film it seemed awfully boring. It had lots of nifty effects and goofy looking creatures and battle scenes and lovingly filmed death sequences, but none of it seemed very cohesive. The plot was just all over the place and confusing as all get out, with crummy dialogue and not much going on between action sequences to keep one’s attention. It did, however, feature Sam “Avatar Guy” Worthington’s finest acting performance to date. That’s not really saying much since most of his “acting” in this movie consists of jumping around, grunting and yelling things like “Go!” and “Move faster!” along with the occasional nod or other head movement. It just burns my ass a little, I guess. All the critical praise this dope gets for his terrible acting skills is just incomprehensible to me. He must have naked pictures of everyone in Hollywood that he is using to blackmail his way into super-stardom. In any event, this movie isn’t anything that you’re not expecting it to be going in. So if you’re in the mood for some mindless and confusing action this is the movie for you. It’s better than the Harry Hamlin version, anyway.

Hancock

*** - Will Smyth plays a Superman-type figure who drinks heavily and causes as much damage as possible while carrying out his rescue missions in this action-comedy that also features Jason Bateman and Charlize Theron. This film starts out very promisingly, with lots of humor and an interesting idea. However, as the movie progresses the humor seems to dissipate and the interesting idea morphs into a largely illogical and rather banal attempt to tie together plot strands that seemed like they might be neat at first. Even with the fairly weak storyline and dull (occasionally difficult to sit through) second half, this is still a good film that contains some high quality aspects and leaves open the possibility of a franchise that could have some lasting value. The ‘Fresh Prince’ is as good in this movie as he has been in any other movie he has been in, and I chalk that up to the fact that he’s not trying to go overboard with the comedy and charisma that most people seem to like so much, and are displayed in the vast majority of other successful films he’s been in. Bateman is always good for a few laughs, and his straight man routine in this is about as good as they get. It’s a quality film worth watching, but a little disappointing after such a strong start.

King Corn

**** - Unlike the similarly themed “Food, Inc.”, this documentary - which follows two Bostonians who decide to grow an acre of corn in Iowa and follow the process of what happens to it from start to finish - was less about getting people riled up over ‘the system’ and more about informing accurately. As a federal employee working for an agricultural agency, I found this movie pretty fascinating. I deal with farmers all the time, and speak with them at length about what they do and how they operate. However, New Jersey is a very small state with a very small sector of its population employed in agricultural fields. This documentary provides a new perspective about what a Midwestern farmer goes through in order to make a living. Whether or not one has a vested interest in agriculture, I think if you have at least some respect for how the world is supplied with sustenance you will discover a great deal about how things work and why things are the way they are from this film. On a personal level, they briefly show the Iowa version of the agency I work for in this. That was pretty neat, although I must say that it is not necessarily indicative of how things are in my particular office.

Kick-Ass

***1/2 – In this film’s rather lengthy opening narration, the title character ruminates on why no one has ever tried to emulate the many movies, comics and video games out there and become a masked superhero. This is a question I have often asked myself. My conclusion (that people are, by nature, selfish and unconcerned with what does not directly affect them) is not really touched on in this film, but that doesn’t make it any less enjoyable, seeing as this is largely an action flick. And action it does well. It takes a great deal of film-making chops to make it realistically seem as though a tiny 10-year old girl is pulling off killer ninja moves, and this movie succeeds in doing so. One aspect of the flick with which I do take issue is the fairly frequent occurrence of topical pop culture references. That is one my pet peeves in film. Including recent topical subjects like Myspace, Skype (whatever the hell that is), iPhones, first-person shooter video games and things like that ensures that a film will be dated within about 10 years and have no real lasting value. Besides that and the somewhat weak script, I found myself pretty immersed in the comic-like world that was created.

Michael Clayton

*** - In this critically-acclaimed drama (certainly not a thriller, as it is billed), George Clooney plays a lawyer who is not really a lawyer in that he doesn’t practice law per se, but he does work with lawyers in some capacity and travels a lot doing various things like talking to people and looking at horses. In any event, I don’t really know what he does, other than rack up large gambling debts. Between poker games he somehow manages to stumble upon a massive cover-up at a large agrichemical company (a la Monsanto) called U-North - which is a little confusing because for the first half of the movie I assumed it was a university not a large business – which was discovered by certifiably loony colleague Tom Wilkinson, who is subsequently killed via a needle to the foot. Lots of other equally uninteresting things occur, as well. The film is well-crafted and nicely shot with great performances from most involved, which keeps it somewhat enjoyable despite its dullness and predictability. I chalk up its critical acclaim to the presence of Sidney Pollack, who has been considered a sort of movie Midas ever since his string of dull and critically fawned over films from the 70s. Overrated.

Whip It

**** - How can you not like a movie that features Andrew “Future Man” Wilson – the most underrated of the Wilson Brothers – in probably his biggest role ever? The answer: you can’t! Why doesn’t that guy get more work? Maybe he doesn’t want it, I don’t know. Anyway, if I were a filmmaker, I’d cast him in everything, kind of like how Kevin Smith does with Affleck. Besides the unexpected pleasure of the esteemed Future Man’s presence, the rest of the film was pretty good, too. There was some decent dialogue and funny bits, competent direction from first-timer Drew Barrymore, and plenty of surprisingly enjoyable roller derby action. I certainly wouldn’t consider myself a roller derby fan after having watched this film, but if I was forced to sit through a sporting event of some sort, roller derby would probably now be near the top of the list choice-wise. I liked quite a few parts of this film, but I’d have to say my favorite was when the dumb jock guy at the diner eats some gigantic sandwich in under three minutes and then triumphantly exclaims, “It’s free, bitches! It’s free!” You can’t go wrong with filming an idiot yelling.