Unstoppable

** - This week on ‘Blatant False Advertising Theater’ we will take a look at the inaccurately named Denzel Washington action flick “Unstoppable”. Directed by Ridley Scott’s younger, dumber brother Tony, this movie would have more aptly been titled “Somewhat Challenging to Stop” or possibly “Relatively Easily Stopped by Someone Competent” but I’m guessing that either of those names would be problematic to fit on a marquee. The plot revolves around a train with cars full of toxic chemicals and grain (yeah, that’s a good mix) that is accidentally sent hurtling down a track in southern Pennsylvania by a pair of fat idiots played by Willam from “Mallrats” and some other guy. Meanwhile, Denzel and Chris Pine are on another train that is on a collision course with the titular locomotive, and have to act quickly in order to save themselves and keep the runaway train from flying off the track and plowing into a populated area. Most of the movie alternates between shots of Denzel and Captain Kirk pointlessly chatting in their cabin and shots of a number of train company workers and family members watching the action on TV and yelling things like “come on!” and “you can do this!” and such. It’s pretty fast paced, but the action is really dumb and edited in a rather jumbled and confusing manner. The cast – including Rosario Dawson as an unrealistically attractive train yard coordinator of some sort - give it their all, but they can’t save this one from its dull script, silly dialogue and ridiculous amount of train lingo that is probably meant to seem cool, but gets really annoying really quickly. And, yes, the train is indeed very stoppable.