Humanity's End

* - This review will take the form of a series of lessons that a student or potential film maker can learn from watching “Humanity’s End”:

1. Do not begin your movie with a 10-minute narration that consists of a bunch of random scenes spliced together and narrated by someone who seems to have had their voice run through a pre-amp then a grunge box then a distortion pedal, resulting in a complete in ability to understand anything said.

2. Do not have the first line of spoken dialogue in your movie be a guy yelling “fuck!” after witnessing someone vaporized with a ray gun.

3. Do not use almost entirely green screen images and cheap cardboard cutouts for backgrounds.

4. Do not hire an incompetent animation company to provide CG sequences that that look like a bunch of cheesy cut scenes from 1990s video games strung together.

5. Do not hire actors from your local community theater group.

6. Do not make the role of the hero a flabby, unshaven, smarmy, wife beater-wearing, sex-crazed lummox who the audience cheers for to die.

7. Do not riddle your script with lame attempts at humor and sexual innuendo, especially if all of the actors you hire are basically planks of wood with no comedic timing.

8. Last but not least, do not make a film that is so bad that it becomes good and then keeps on going right back to bad again.

No comments:

Post a Comment