The Road

** - Viggo Mortensen plays a douchebag wandering around the countryside with his wimpy son after the Earth is scorched in some sort of vague apocalypse in this adaptation of an apparently popular Cormac MacCarthy book. And that is pretty much all that happens in this film: wandering. They wander in a forest, they wander on the beach, they wander through open fields, and they wander through the shells of burned out houses. There is so much aimless meandering going on here that it may have put me off hiking for good due to my new fear of accidently coming across Viggo Mortensen and having him threaten me to stop following him and then forcing me to remove my clothes and stand around naked and cold. There is next to no story, a very limited amount of dialogue (which consists mostly of Aragorn yelling at his timid kid) and no explanation of what happened or why the main characters are doing what they are doing. If you, like me, watch this in the hopes of seeing a recent, neat, post-apocalyptic survival story with some action and an intriguing plot, forego this one and go rent “The Book of Eli”.