** - I learned a few things from this 2008 Roland Emmerich helmed historical (sort of) action film. First, I learned that Ancient Egypt was apparently run by an alien and his wise council consisting of about a dozen flaming gays with long weird fingernails and purple dresses. Second, I learned that the frigid Russian steppes and the deserts of northern Africa are only a few days walk away from each other, and were even that way at a time 12000 years ago when North Africa wasn’t yet actually a desert. Lastly, I learned if you save a vicious predatory cat from a trap that it is caught in, you can then reason with it in order to keep it from eating you (much like the old ‘lion with the thorn in its paw’ story). This movie – like most that this Emmerich idiot is responsible for – has the feel of facts being run through a Karl Pilkington filter and coming out all bizarre and making no sense. And that would be fine if this was talked about by Karl and Ricky and Steve in a podcast (which, by the way, would make a killer “Ricky Gervais Guide to…” audiobook), but when it takes the form of a completely seriously-themed, hugely-budgeted Hollywood film it isn’t all that entertaining. It has some nice scenery, though.
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